The idea is that masturbation relieves stress and allows for greater focus and concentration. Now what do employers want for — and from — their employees? A less stressful environment that enables greater focus and concentration, of course. So now that the smoke break is passé, how about a masturbation break? Astonishingly one informal popup poll found that 40% of New Yorkers admitted self-pleasuring during working hours. (That survey was done by GuyFi, which builds and markets “masturbation booths” — so one can imagine the figure is, um, stroked a little.) Yet more informal surveys, like one by a TimeOut New York writer, puts the masturbate-at-work crowd at “more than a third” of workers. (Sorry, try not to think about it.)
The Howard Stern Show, where masturbation is a favorite topic, chimed in this week — and quoted a real psychologist, too. (Stern has an advantage on the subject: one of his regulars, Sal Governale, is the so-called “Steve Jobs of jerking off.”) The UK’s Metro asked pychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall about onanism on the job and the good doctor practically sang Stern’s theme song in response. How about a workplace that not only permitted, but encourage masturbation? “I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,” Arnall replied. “Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.” There are many things that make Howard Stern smile — this news no doubt exploded to the top.
