Supermodels, stand down. An elite squad of amazon beauties was on high alert last night in Hollywood, ready to offer emotional support in case the unthinkable happened and Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t win the Oscar. This morning the models returned to their homes on the catwalks and between the covers of the Victoria’s Secret catalog, safe in knowing that as beautiful young women under 25, they have gone above and beyond the call of duty as Plus Ones for the world’s leading 41-year-old environmentalist. With an Academy Award to his name, DiCaprio can finally relax and enjoy the fruits of his labor and know that earning only $20 million a movie hasn’t been in vain.
As for his ex-girlfriends, each of whom stuck with him through his Oscars-less wilderness, they shall be remembered as faithful companions to the last. We salute Gisele Bundchen, Kelly Rohrbach, Kristen Zang, Bar Rafaeli, Blake Lively, Toni Garnn, Emma Miller, and all the other DiCapriettes. In the words of poet Robert Laurence Binyon:
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
