Morrissey Bulbous Salutation Wins Bad Sex Award

Greetings and bulbous salutations, readers who enjoy horrific descriptions of sexual congress. The Literary Review has announced the winner of this year’s Bad Sex Award, and as predicted, Morrissey takes the prize. The musician and songwriter’s debut novel, List of the Lost included such purplish prose as a scene depicting a couple in “a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

Morrissey was unable to attend the awards ceremony in London. Rock critic Charles Shaar Murray accepted the award on his behalf. The magazine, never one to shy away from an opportunity to twist the knife, is offering a discount on subscriptions using the code BULBOUS.