You can now tap out emojis all day on a keyboard that comes with the annoying cutesy icons built in. “We didn’t build a keyboard that has emoji, we built your life looking back at you from little square keys,” says EmojiWorks in a statement that has unconscious echoes of Orwell. (For what is an emoji but another form of Doublethink, a way of transforming “Today I’m a miserable, raging psychopath who wants to go postal on my coworkers” into Angry Face; Kitten Sadly Shaking Head; Wine Glass?)
“How are you feeling today?” asks EmojiWorks cheerfully. Actually, not great. “Which buttons will you press for another? Careful now, your emotions have power.” No kidding? I have an ulcer, you know, I get the whole ’emotions have power’ thing. “The keys on the Emoji Keyboard reflect the vast range of emotional experiences you have. Whether your life is just getting going or you hold the wisdom of a thousand lifetimes, your feelings should be shared.” I got your wisdom right here, pal. “We all have our good days and bad days, our triumph and hunger, our loves and our loss. Wherever life takes you, you go there with more than thoughts. You go with people and the emotions you share. Emoji may be the medium, but the message is all you. Go ahead, tell them how you feel. Tell us how you feel. “Tell you how I feel? Okay, EmojiWorks, are you ready? I’ll tell you exactly how I – [rest of message REDACTED]
