Suzanne Somers Tells 13.63 Million People To Buy Her Hormones

Dispatched DWTS contestant Suzanne Somers made a zillion selling Thighmaster exercise equipment. She’s a brilliant marketer and by all accounts her thighs look terrific. It’s not all genes, sweat and determination though–Somers has brought her marketing savvy to the controversial hormone therapy business. She’s got a site to promote hormone replacement called ForeverHealth.com–and look, we all know that’s a pretty misleading name. Hedge Funds aren’t buying up funeral homes because nobody’s dying anymore.

But even if the hormones didn’t make Somers a great dancer, the 68-year-old entertainer acquitted herself well against some tough competition. So she’s got reason to boast: she came, she saw–so she didn’t conquer… can’t have everything. (Except forever health?) And Somers certainly kept her well-honed marketing wits about her, even as she was cut from Dancing With the Stars this week. In her curtain call interview, she made sure to yell out that every woman should take hormones! That’s how you dance, that’s how you live, according to Somers. The savvy Somers got the word out to an estimated 13.63 million viewers. Patti LaBelle, two years Somers’ senior at age 70, remains in the contest. She’s pitching nothing but elegance.