Take a bow, Jo from Northern Ireland, for you have just expressed what some pretty much all of us have been thinking about Russell Brand. By now you are familiar with Brand’s habit of obstructionist propaganda, in which the magnificently-coiffed millionaire turns up at Downing Street or outside corporate headquarters or inside people’s televisions to peddle his brand (sorry) of anti-capitalist rhetoric. To a few loyal folowers he is a revolutionary hero; to everyone else he’s a hack and a hypocrite. On Friday he staged a protest at the London headquarters of the Royal Bank of Scotland. Security staff locked the doors to prevent his camera crew getting in; as well as locking out Brand’s crew, they also locked out several RBS employees (it was lunchtime). One of those workers is Jo. He went hungry because of Brand’s stunt, and so he penned a hilarious open letter to the star, describing him as “a peurile, prancing millionaire” and writing that “the points you made do actually deserve answers. Although not — and I really can’t emphasise this enough, Russell — not as much as I deserve lunch.”
“My first question is, what were you hoping to achieve?” Jo asks. “Did you think a pack of traders might gallop through reception, laughing maniacally as they threw burning banknotes in the air, quaffing champagne, and brutally thrashing the ornamental paupers that they keep on diamante leashes?” The letter continues “You turned up and weren’t allowed in. Big wow. You know what would have happened if a rabid capitalist had just turned up unannounced? They wouldn’t have been allowed in either. You know what I have in my pocket? A security pass. Unauthorised people aren’t allowed in. Obviously. That’s not a global conspiracy, Russell; it’s basic security. Breweries have security too, and that’s not because they’re conspiring to steal beer from the poor.” The letter in full is printed here. It ends with perhaps the greatest smackdown in political history, as Jo reminds Brand of the meal which the banker was deprived. “It was paella, by the way. From Fernando’s in Devonshire Row. I highly recommend them: their food is frankly just fantastic. When it’s hot.”
