I had a wart on my foot that appeared after one too many pedicures at my local nail salon. It was ugly. It hurt. It was embarrassing. After a few uncomfortable months, my podiatrist surgically removed it. Can someone please perform this surgery on wall warts? Clearly the wart is something even the talented designers at Apple don’t want to touch. My Apple wall wart might be the best looking of the worst but even it is embarrassed, slowly slouching off the wall in shame. We all proudly use our sleek Apple Air laptops at photo shoots and design presentations and then, after a few hours, the batteries fade to ruin the cool, minimalist scene–and we all dump out ugly wall warts from our chic laptop cases where they leave behind nasty lumps and imprints.
As a temporary design solution I would recommend at least re-branding for what I hope will be a short life for the wall wart. Give these dogs some appeal, starting with the name. Something cute like the Wall Hug or slick like the Super Power. What if the “green model” had a tiny recycled wood shelf where one could place a topiary tree or bud vase? How about a limited edition designer cover for something that actually needs covering? That Louis Vuitton wall wart is to die for. I’m desperate for her Prada wall wart. I will try to make the most of my adorable Wall Hug until it is lopped off by the Director of Wall Warts at Apple, Inc. Meanwhile, like my nail salon, if the business keeps it cheap, you might get a wart.
Annette Berry is a designer and art director for home, fashion and beauty brands including Anthropologie, Barneys New York, Jonathan Adler, MoMA, Paul Stuart, Sephora, and Sigerson Morrison, among others. She is a founding member of 3+ Collective.