Citizens, gather ‘round your loudspeakers, for we bring important updates! In your kitchens, in your offices, on your factory floors – wherever your loudspeaker is located, turn up the volume!
In local news, our Dear Leader Kim John Il was seen offering on-the-spot guidance to the engineers deepening the Taedong River channel. While the Dear leader lectured to the dredge operators, many doves were seen to spontaneously flock above him, hovering to provide our Reverend General some much needed shade on a hot day. Also to report is a request from Pyongyang’s Minister of Public Safety, who asks that while pigeon-snaring season is in full swing, trip wires and snatch loops be placed out of the reach of our youngest comrades. And don’t forget, citizens: the ban on stargazing is still in effect.
– by Adam Johnson