Today in Towns I Have No Intention of Ever Visiting — Woodland, North Carolina. The town just voted to reject solar panels after concerns that they suck up all the sun’s energy and prevent local plants from photosynthesizing. The argument against Strata Solar’s proposal to build a solar power farm near the town was made by Jane Mann, a retired science teacher. Ms. Mann also expressed concern that solar panels might be linked to cancer. Her reasoning is as follows: There is no proof that they can cause cancer, but there’s no proof that they don’t cause cancer.
A spokesman for Strata Solar, no doubt rueful that he didn’t stay in Law School like his parents wanted instead of jumping on this hippy-dippy solar energy nonsense, vainly tried to explain to the meeting that solar panels are completely harmless. Woodland Town Council voted for a moratorium on all future solar energy projects. They then presumably went outside to wave goodnight to the Sun as it went asleep behind the mountains, before sacrificing a child to the corn gods in hopes of a good harvest.