Here’s another reason to avoid big box stores. A Florida teenager was arrested after he had sex with a stuffed toy in Walmart – and then put it back on the shelf. Obviously those Walmart rollback prices were not enough to make him want to buy the toy. Acording to the police report, nineteen year-old Sean Johnson visited a Brooksville Walmart where he “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department” (oh, so it was on sale), then went to the comforter aisle section (I guess, you know, to feel comfortable) before he “proceeded to pull out his genitals which were in an aroused state,” and “hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.” After ejaculating on it, he placed it on a comforter on the shelf “contaminating that property also.”
Reports state that the incident was caught on surveillance cameras, but I don’t know anybody who would want to watch it. In his statement to police, which should be hailed for its wonderfully tactful euphemism, Johnson admitted “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal.” I don’t know about you, but I won’t be buying any toys or beddiing at Walmart for quite a while.