Dear Contributor: Thanks for your submission. It’s an excellent subject, and you do a good job recounting the essentials.
It’d be good, though, to make the pieces a little richer–to do more with the two paragraphs form. To tell people things they didn’t know or hadn’t put together, to make them feel that they’ve read a WHOLE story, not just another forgettable webby anecdote, albeit written better than the press release. To really exalt, if you will, the form, see what can be squeezed out of it (or into it) artfully (or ultimately artlessly)– to treat it like a sonnet, haiku, villanelle or any other restricted form whose very restriction enhances its potency.