Former FOX News chief Roger Ailes and GOP topper Donald Trump are secretly working to launch a new TV network with the working title of ScumbagTV — in the event that Trump does not win the presidency. Ailes has built a news network from scratch before. Unnamed sources paint Ailes as determined and deeply driven by his ignominious FOX dismissal. Trump is — according to the same unnamed sources — set to move on after the grueling campaign, having buffered his racist-misogynistic-pugilistic brand to a high gleam in the past year, especially in the debates. Rumors abound that Ailes’s small sales team has already locked up Allegra as a sponsor. Trump is set to do a before-and-after spot. “No sniffling on Scumbag,” is a proposed brand meme.
Ailes and Trump are said to have agreed on the name ScumbagTV after research revealed the word scumbag‘s strong resonance as a descriptor, its relatively low usage (11 million Google results compared to asshole‘s 178 million) and its acceptability. (Scumbag is not considered profanity.) The ScumbagTV tagline will reportedly be Just Grab ‘Em — presumably meaning the audience. It does not specify where it will grab ’em. Just start kissing them, believe it or not, is already a registered trademark.
[um, satire, folks]