You may remember the story of Orangie, the goldfish who couldn’t swim upright until his owner built him a special ‘wheelchair’. Or the goldfish who couldn’t do a Number Two until his owner paid $460 for constipation surgery. Just recently, a goldfish named Mr Hot Wings had a trip to the orthodontist for braces. However, all the best medical care in the world can’t prevent the inevitable visit from the Grim Reaper, who lays his icy hand upon us all, rich and poor, prince and pauper alike, before ferrying us across the Styx to the distant shores of the vast Undiscovered Country. So it was for Peeping Tom last week, whose life was tragically cut short when his bowl was moved out of the sunlight.
Named for his habit of spying on people in the shower — a thing which we will not judge, for it is impolite to speak ill of the dead –Peeping Tom was given a funeral every bit as legendary as his life. A fiery Viking funeral, in fact, complete with boat, sail and masthead. Peeping Tom’s “pretty bad ass” funeral is documented here. Farewell, Peeping Tom. Lo, there, I see your father and your mother and your sisters and your brothers and all the line of your fishes back to the beginning, and they are calling to you and bid you to take your place among them in the Halls of Valhalibut!