Their last names are homonyms. Their hair is similar. The movie star is older but looks younger. (He’s a movie star, after all.) The politician is smarter but looks dumber. (He’s a politician, after all.) They both stick unwaveringly with controversial organizations (Scientology, Tea Party).
And they’ve both got new things coming out: Tom Cruise is pushing his star vehicle Mission Impossible 5: Rogue Nation. Ted Cruz is pushing his presidential candidacy, coincidentally going by the same name. But there are differences. Let’s see what kind of America we are. Vote for your choice here.
WHO BEST REPRESENTS AMERICA? Tom Cruise or Ted Cruz?
Tom Cruise — Movie Star
Ted Cruz — Republican Star
WEIGHT: 175 pounds
REACH: Global, massive, post-lingual
EDUCATION: High School, Brat Pack
STANCE: Tip Toes, smiling
WINS: Dozens, from Risky Business to myriad Mission Impossible movies to Kubrick collaborations
LOSSES: knocked for Scientology association–undaunted by this
KNOCK-OUTS: Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Katie Holmes, others
REPUTATION: Kooky, daring, adorable, private, energetic, resilient, short, funny, rich. Does own stunts.
WEIGHT: 180 pounds
REACH: Texas, national, tea party, Canada
EDUCATION: Princeton, Harvard Law
STANCE: Conservative, combative
WINS: 1 for U.S. Senate, numerous Supreme Court court cases. Bush v Gore vote controversy in 2000.
LOSSES: Green Eggs & Ham filibuster, SCOTUS Frew v. Hawkins
KNOCK-OUTS: wife Heidi, VP in wealth management at Goldman Sachs
REPUTATION: James Carville called Cruz the most fearless and talented Republican in 30 years. Does own stunts.
(photo of Tom Cruise by Georges Biard)