All the reactionary reviews of Fifty Shades of Grey are making me want to buy a ticket to make sure it’s a hit and they make the next two. Not that I’d ever actually see the movie or anything, but there’s plenty of entertainment value in watching puritans disguised as feminists lecture women (or at least women who want to have sex with men) about how they’re demeaning themselves and other women if they fantasize about anything other than missionary-style coitus in which their partners display no interest and make no moves until they’ve been given permission, preferably in writing and at least twenty-four hours in advance.
— “I’d like to kiss you.”
— “You may kiss me tomorrow at 7 pm, but you can’t touch my boobs because that would be sexual assault. And you can’t call them boobs either. That’s sexist.”
— “That’s so hot. I’m so turned on.”
— “Sharing your sexual feelings without asking first is sexual harassment. I’m calling 911.”