Christmas has come early for Internet snarks, courtesy of the Sony Hack. It truly is the gift that keeps on giving, as both snide bloggers and unreconstructed cynics have been spoiled in the last few days with tales of Hollywood bitchery, phoniness, and megalomania. In the latest leak, Leonardo DiCaprio is called “despicable,” Sony executives laugh at Willow and Jaden Smith (in fairness, who doesn’t?) and George Clooney gets all sensitive about the critical drubbing of The Monuments Men.
After DiCaprio dropped out of the studio’s planned Steve Jobs biopic, producer Mark Gordon and executive Amy Pascal had the following email exchange: “Was this about the deal… or did he just change his mind?” asks Gordon. “The latter,” Pascal responds. Gordon: “Horrible behavior.” Pascal: “Actually despicable.” Pascal’s name has come up a lot in the Sony hack, and is generally not associated with kind words, with the exception of a heartbroken George Clooney, who thinks she is just wonderful. After The Monuments Men was panned by critics, the star emailed her: “I need some protection from all the reviews. Let’s just make it a hit. I haven’t slept in 30 hours. And it’s 7 am… adore you Amy. You are literally the only person running a studio that loves film. I fear I’ve let you all down. Not my intention. I apologize. I’ve just lost touch… Who knew? Sorry. I won’t do it again.” It’s not all doom and gloom in the hack, however. One star who had no problems with his movie, the studio, or the subtleties of the English language, was Channing Tatum, who rejoiced in the box-office success of 22 Jump Street. After the movie had a much better opening than another R-rated comedy, Ted, Tatum wrote “FYOU TED !!!! SECOND OF ALLLL TIMMMMME BEEEOTCH!!!! COME ON JUMPSTREETERS WE GOT CATE BLANCHETT WIT DIS BOX OFFICE BITCHES!!!!!!!!” And in case his joy wasn’t clear, Tatum ended the email with an astonishing 14,000+ characters repetition of HAHAHA.